JailBreak Triathlon 2016 – John Kirwan

The Day I took Sonia O’Sullivan out (of it)

For some odd and primal reason we have a morbid fascination with prisons and more to the point getting out of them. We immortalise criminals putting aside their heinous acts and revelling in their incredible ability to leg it out of the clink.

Escape from Alcatraz, The Great Escape, The Shawshank Redemption and Papillon allow us enter the inventive genius of the  more than average crimmo.  Indeed we dramatize doing time on stage with The Borstal Boy, laugh at the antics in the t.v sitcom Porridge, (though these days it’s apparently closer to “The Full Irish”), and of course we belt out the The Fields of Athenry at sporting events with apparent flagrance when it comes to the unfortunate predicatment of some poor lad stuck in Australia surrounded by “these lonely prison walls”, blah, blah blah. I’ve long struggled with the connection.

So the point of all this is that I took myself along to Cobh this September along with a half dozen other Pulsers to take part in the “Jailbreak – Escape from Spike” olympic distance tri. The second last event in the Vodafone National Series calendar. Sure what could be better than a morning spent escaping from a former military prison?

The wind was howling on the day, and so we stood waiting for the Cobh Tri Club to engage the expertise of the T.I officials to determine whether the race should go ahead or not. Now, when Steve McQueen, (a mans man at that), chucked himself off the precipice into the sea in his bid for escape, didn’t think “jeez, maybe I should talk to the TI lads and get an opinion…. looks a tad lumpy”.

After thirty minutes it was determined that “having reviewed the sitation” (code for “we’re not setting up this shanggin’ thing again next week boy”) the show would go on. The race brief was a jocular affair where we were reminded of the “relative flatness” of the course, highlighting the need for some new one-liners among race directors.

We were ferried out to Spike for the swim start with a view to a more or less straight line 1,700m to shore. What fun we had! The one part of the course that’s generally flat was literally all over the map. A big swell and a strong rip meant you were held off shore long enough to get thoroughy familiar with the exit point, the location of which I had neglected to take care of before I hopped on the boat. The boys in the Great Escape had to wing it too!

The “relatively flat” bike exit from Cobh puts San Francisco in it’s place. You can be sure Clint Eastwood wasn’t lashing up the hills as part of his quick getaway. On out to Fota Island I had visions of a Bengal Tiger leppin’ over the fence of the wildlife park. You see, Cork people have a hard time with the Dubs and following the DCT deer incident in the Phoenix Park you just wouldn’t put it past them.

To be fair the cycle was pretty fast but the roads were open and we were duly warned that a lot of the people going to mass that morning had been lectured from the pulpit about de lads on de bikes lashing around de place and to be careful opening doors. I’m not sure how the organisers got in touch with the people going for their lunch who didn’t go to mass, because there was a clatter of them along the roadsides looking to take a few of us out.

The run was four laps. I like the arrangement where you do laps as the run feels a bit more tolerable and besides, it means you can generate an atmosphere with a modest crowd of supporters. Running four laps around Cobh is not the smartest move for some clown who’s just escaped from the local jail but I guess there’s a limit to the authenticity of these events.  There’s a hill at the far end of the run designed to strip tendon from bone. I tell you, those Cork fellah’s again, they just want to be different. “Just de four laps now boys, he-he.”

So where does Sonia come into this? Well, she raced that day and unlike DCT, did the full race this time. In my opinion Sonia is the greatest athlete ever to come out of Ireland – Silver in Sidney, World Champion in Gothenberg and the list goes on. There was a man from Pulse who apparently took her out of it that fateful day in the Escape from Spike, but only cos she’s from Cork!

(This is being suitably and unapologetically exaggerated for the benefit of my grandchildren.)

This is a smashing event. Sign up next year.

Pulsers on the day were:-

• Leon Shakeshaft
• Ultan Mac Mathuna
• Vincent Brady
• Aine magee
• Patrick Corcoran
• John Kirwan